A SERIO-COMIC 



:F'os3:tv<n, 



PERIHELION 



/ 

'/sOKATCH, .JU, 



FOR SALE «Y ALL BOOKSELLEliS. 

VvHH\ Tweiitv-Fivo Cdits. 



DENVER, COLORADO, 
I', t . MESSINGER A CO., PKINTERS AND IM'm.lSII KKS. 

^^1881. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in March, 1881, by 

F. C. MESblNGER & CO., 

In the Ofl&ce of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, D. C. 



A SERIO-COMIC 



ENTITLED 



PERIHELION 



SCRATCH, JR. 



In this little book of serious fun 

Is found good reading for every one, 

Isot ea&y to forget when the reading is done. 



7^^Ll>ly\^ 



DENVER, COLO.: 

F. C. MESSLNGER & CO. 

1881. 



T> 






Entered according tbt^Acttof Congress, in the year 1881, by 

F. C. :vife3SINGER & CO.. 

In the Clerk's OfGce of the District Court for th6 District of Colorado. 



^^•C.^.^^'t--'' Cm- 



PREFACE. 



Prof. C. A, Grimmer, of San Jose, California, has published a 
pamphlet entitled "The Voice of the Stars, or the EtFectsof the com- 
ing Perihelion." This little book fell into the hands of the authoi 
of this little poem and furnished him wiih the subject. 

That the reader may be informed of what Prof. Grimmer write?, 
quotations of portions of his book are given in this preface. On page 
5 he say.s, "The Perihelia of the four great planets, Jupiter, Uranup, 
Neptune and Saturn, will be coincident in 1881. * * * The effecto 
which this conjunction will produce are momentous. From 1880 to 
1887 will be one universal carnival of death. No place on earth will 
be entirelj' free from the plague. * * ^^ Disease? will appear, the 
nature of which v;ill baffle the skill of the most eminent physicians* 
Every drop of water in the earth, on the earth, and above the earth, 
will be more or less poisonous. The atmosphere will be foul with 
noisome odors, and there will be but few constitutions able to resist 
the coming scourge." On page 6, "From the far East the pestilen- 
tial storm will sweep, .^nd its last struggle will end here in the far 
West. -)<■**** AH the weak and intemperate are sure to die. 
There is no escape from the inexorable plague-fiend. Fortunate, 
indeed, are those whose blood is pure and free from any taint or 
weaknesf!, for they alone will survive the human family. The 
intemperate and weak will join hands and go down to their graves 
in tens of thousands. Ancient races will be blotted from the face of 
the earth. Asia will be nearly depopulated, and the islands that 
border Asia will suffer frightfully from the scourge. Russia will be 
the first European nation that will suffer. * * * Unless correct 
sanitary measures are taken in 1880 the plague will be devastating 
large cities on the Atlantic coast of America. ■ America will loose 
more than fifteen millions of inhabitants." Page 7, "The Perihelia 
will bring other inflictions upon the inhabitants of the earth over 
which mankind can exert no restraining influence. There will come 
storms and tidal waves tliat will swamp whole cities, earthquakes 
That will swallow mountains and town?, and tornadoes ti)at will 
iswecD 'hundreds of villaces from the face of the earth ; niountays 



reader will ^aiu sullicieul frou) tlie quotations driven t(j en.iblf him 
fully to understand " Periheijox," is flie snle object of their [)iib!i- 
ration in this little volume. 

Perihelion is placed before a critical public with the full know- 
ledge that it will get a raking from parties who are interested in a 
war upon everythinri that does not emanate from their clique, no 
fuatter about its merit. The State of Colorado should not always be 
held in fee simple by a few who have pre-empted everything in it 
and above it, but some of ns "tenderfcet" will dare to dispute the 
title after awhile. 

Tfll^ .\UTHOK. 

Di-NVKR, CoL.. FebTuarv, ISSl. 



Pf:RIHELI()N'. 



Au lUiad of woes to this mundane sphere, 
Prophesy says will commence this year. 
The Prophet's own views will be found in a primmer 
PubKshed by the author, Professor Grimmer. 
He says that four planets,, while in Perihelion, 
Will cause the death of many a million. 
Bring ruin on cities without healthy sewers, 
Kill drunkards, and paupers, and even the brewers; 
That the weak and the old most surely will die, 
And the devil be bothered to care for his fry ; 
That sickness and death from the nasty old plague 
Will make more paupers than there's money to beg ; 
That cities will fester with dead not interred, 
Farms be deserted — no herdsman to herd, 
Forges all hushed and factories dumb, 
The toilers can rest for Perihelion has come; 
Merchants with stores full of glittering wealth, 
Leave all to clerks and flee for their health ; 
And the stores and the clerks will perish in flame. 
The city be pillaged — Perihelion to blame ; 
The Judge on the bench, lawyer at the bar, 
The preacher, the doctor, whoever they are, 
Will drop as if struck by a bolt from the sky, 
This awful Perihelion has doomed them to die. 
Funerals will cease in the churches of God ; 
Doomed wretches that die marked C. 0. D. 
Will start by express for the home of their maker, 
Where each will be known bv his. own undertaker. 



S rjilKlHEl.lON. 

This way of doins: will be equal and fair, 

As the dead, good or bad, will have nothing to wear, 

The living will n't stop to look at a hearse. 

Or care whether a corpse appears better or worse, 

But hasten it off, get it out of their sight. 

For the living are what Perihelion will blight. 

Volcanoes and earthquakes will also abound, 
Engulphing whole townships miles underground; 
States, nations and islands ceasing to be, 
On the map of the world only as sea. 
Anarch}' ruling earth, ocean, and air, 
'i he devil will enter mankind everywhere; 
Plunder and rapine, with murderous hand, 
Rule on the sea as well ns the land ; 
Ships drifting on oceans will rot everywhere. 
No siilors to J2:uide tiiem Perihelion will spare. 

Nations and ra<'es most ancient will first 
Feel the force of Perihelion and feel it th3 worst; 
China, the empire celestial, will claim 
Perihelion's best effort and be sent up in tlame. 
So the treaty just made to keep the race out 
Will never be needed — John goes up the spout. 
Poor John ! let us pray that his ancient race, 
Wherever they go will find a clean place. 
And get out of its filth in a land that is new, 
Have plenty of washing and ironing to do. 
With his Josh, his pig tail, puppies and mice. 
His strange little tricks, his chopsticks and rice, 
Minus his opium joint, vices and rum, 
lie '11 be greatly improved in his own "kingdom come. 

Russia, the stalwart, will also be scourged, 
The line of the Romanoff blood will be purged, 
The oppressor and oppressed will be on a level 
If Perihelion sends them both to the devil. 
The Nihilist thus will be nihil sure 
And the Czar be nihil — a Nihilist pure. 

England, the home of commerce and lore. 
Must suffer for wrongs done to the Boer. 



PEKIHELIOA'. y 

The Hindoo, Afghan, Caffir and Kurd, 

And al! of mankind she calls common herd. 

Wherever Victoria's armies have trod 

England has mocked the mandate of God, 

And her lords and ministers will tremble with fear 

When Perihelion commands them ail to appear; 

The Irish wail of famine and sorrow, 

Eno:land may hear in Perihelion to-morrow, 

With the thousands of wrongs done to the race 

In her wars for conquest, money and place ; 

And her own stjjrving millions all cry aloud, 

'Gainst England the great, the haughty and proud. 

In the era coming she '11 be humble and low. 

While the nations she's wrong'd will laugh at her woe; 

Perihelion will do this and it shall be given 

The endorsement of man and approval of Heaven. 

And Home that has bulled an infidel race. 
Sinning more against man than he against Grace, 
Sending thousands to hell without a clean shirt 
For not beiug buried in consecrated dirt. 
Soiled the njime of an apostle so great 
As Peter, by wedding the church to the State, 
Together vvith all of her sisters in sin 
Will go to the pit where the devil is in 
Forever and ever; and never again 
Over a churcli or a kingdom will reign. 

Turkey, the land where oppression's foul rod 
Has banished from thence the image of God, 
"^^'ill lise up in strife, and the rotten old Porte, 
The scat of vile passions, be vile passion s sport; 
And Christian and Jew and many a million 
"Will shout hallalulah in praise of Perihelion. 
Thus Jupiter, NepUme, Uranus and Saturn 
Will set for the planets a very good pattern 
To go into the business one year in ten, 
And scourge from the earth the enslavers of men. 

Afric's lone shores Perihelion will blight 
Willi darkness as dark as the sliadow of night; 



10 I'KKfHKI.luN. 

The lion and cobra will fiercely be driven 

From their haunts in the jungle by lightning of he;iven 

Till tamed by the dread presence of fire 

The fiercest of bensts lose beastly desire. 

And fawn at the feet of the Hottentot, when 

The fiercest of beasts and the lowest of men 

Are united in fire by Perihelion, thf n, 

Sahara and Etheopia no longer will be 

A desert waste but a deep rolling sea. 

Thus AlVic's clime in this era, of grace, 

Will be fitted for the home of a differi'nt I'ace, 

The children of llam in the 1 im! of the Moor 

Be blessed for a} e as heaven's own poor. 

For the word was written 'way b-.ck in the past, 

"The last shall be first and t!ie first shall be last." 

Uncle >am ( omes next -n the order of doom, 
The land of the Yanks will swell the big boom. 
For the many, ens'av( c1 by the few, will be 
Again and forever by ]*erilielion made free. 
The upheaval so general on t' other hemisphere, 
Will bn no criterion for the business here, 
Thi.ugh ])eople will die, cities will sink, 
Lakes of sulphur will simmer and stink, 
The eaith bf' cursed with numberless ills, 
The air be poisoned with vapor that kills, 
Ivivers o-o dry, and oceans of sand 
Bury the lakes and delude the land; 
Fvut the general outcome will be better far 
Than I'lnghmd'.'-, or Turkey's, or the land of the Czar. 
The map of the country may suifer a change, 
Mountains be valleys or vallcNS the range. 
Rivers run northward (hat used to run south, 
Bising, then, where they now have a mouth; 
But siill it will be in the tempe^'ate zone. 
And the Y.inks will have vvhat is left lor their own; 
Tdie newest on earth the land will endure, 
And the nation be spnred with a .covernment pure. 
Which will bloom like the rose after a storm. 



PEKltlKLlOiN. 11 

Takin.2: the lead in national reform, 

Teaching on earth what is taught by the stars, 

A family of nations without any wars. 

After Perihelion this naui>hty Uncle Sam, 

Will be happy f ir a3'e and wiilnt care a damn. 

When its seAxn long years shall be o'er 

He '11 be a good boy, doing wrong nevermore; 

Keverniore will elections be carried by fraud, 

Nevermore State criminals travel abroad, 

Fever again will the difference in weight 

Of thousands of votes be balanced by eight, 

Never, no noA'er will the north or the south 

Oet mad if the other makes up a moulh. 

For both will be irood, live, love and thiive 

In the good time coming for all then alive. 

'1 hough the prophet says they'll be veiy few. 

They'll ha\e what is left, with little to do, 

Yet they '11 '-get up and git," for much is required 

When much is given, so says the inspired. 

The earth, the air, and man will be new, 

With life that is fresh and a future in view; 

Statesnien then uill govern the State, 

Not aping greatness for they will be great. 

No syndicate, then, will put up a job 

The nation's wealth to ])lunder and rob. 

Ivothschilds and Kelmont. wiloy old Jews, 

No white man will step into their i-hoes, 

And never a Jew with a thimble of brains, 

Will dare to, after Perihelion reigns. 

From eighteen-e'ghty-five to ei,L;hieen eighty-seven 

The flames of earth gai'nish high heaven, 

Forests and faims and cities in turn 

With suliduirous fires spontaneous burn 

Till all 'iJoisor.ous filth will petish from earth, 

Thus fitting it well for man's second birth. 

Cursed no longer it cer wil! bear 

Fruit UK et for a god and god<leGs to share. 

"JJy the sweat of'thy brow-," dread portent of ill, 



ii» p]-:KiHb:i.i<).\. 

Need never be heeded and nobody will; 

For apples, potatoes, melons and pears, 

Bread without wheatfieids tnrniiag to tares, 

Lemons, figs, oranges, citron and grapes, 

Flowers that please by color and shapes 

With ten thousand new forms of life-giving food, 

Spontaneous thrive for the conditions are good. 

The air and the light, the water and soil, 

Blest in fruition, no mortal need toil;. 

No care for the stomach, it will be full. 

No need of rare clothing of cotton or v;ool. 

Fashions that make man look like a frog 

And now would set society agog. 

In the .Ji'ood time cominsr will be the rase 

For nlL high and low, and every age. 

No tlesh will be sold, fish, oysters or clams. 

No oleomargarine, vrooden nutmegs or hams, 

Sour mash whiskey or limberger cheese, 

Jap;:n or China or any strange teas. 

The markets will teem with poison no more. 

Bedeviled fish, meats wreaking in gore, 

JSowbelly, tripe, tenderloin steak. 

Sugar cured hams lo fry or to bnke, 

These and much more for man's abuse 

AVill not be called for and never in use. 

The reader may think this picture untrue, 
That the Prophet has told it v;ith evil in view, 
Look, doubting mortal, look at the stars, 
Now at the zenith, at Venus and M;irs, 
Yon see them shining with twinkling light. 
Now look to the left, now to the right, 
Where is Japiter ? he that of yore 
Smote the gods till their gore 
-Darkened the sky, where is his face? * 
ilas he wandered away out of his place? 
Where is Uranus, and Neptune, and Saturn? 
Following after Jupiter's pattern? 
They are doimr their best to-nie:ht. as vou see. 



PKRIilKT.IU.N. 1.-> 

To get in Perihelion — what else can it be ? 

"Well, what if they are?" says a bold thinker, 

'•'What can stars, that merely can blinker. 

Do to us here to make us all sick, 

(i€t into trouble and go to Old Nick ; 

They are so small and so very far off, 

1 don't believe in any such stuff." 

Forewarned is forearmed. No prophet ere said 

What all would believe though he came from the dead. 

Some doubters have died with nothing but doubt. 

While believers believe what they know little about, 

And seeing is believing; though it may be too late, 

Let us watch events and continue to wait ; 

Eighty-one is now here, the planets have set 

In Perihelion — " but the end is not yet." 

We hear every day from over this zone 

Of winds the most terrible that ever have blowm, 

Towns all in ashes, others have small-pox, 

Murrain and rot is destroying flocks, 

Forests on fire, an earthquake in New York, 

A riot for bread is threatened in Cork, 

Railroad trains blocked by mountains of snow, 

A terrible flood at Sacramento, 

Murders and robberies from hellish desire, 

Every day come to us over the wire, 

A breakfast of homicides, dinner of crime. 

Suicides, fratricides ten at a time, 

Men go insane, seeming intent 

On trying Perihelion just as it 's sent. 

Yet this is only the beginning of woe. 

How long must these things be going on so. 

To stop all doubts that Perihelion is master 

And causing to come such fell disaster ? 

List these events fast as they come 

Till seven full years brings the cracking of doom. 

Then they that live have a happy fate given, 

A home on the earth nearly equal to heaven. 

The world rnttles aliblv of what it knows least. 



M PEKliiEL102*. 

Nature's laws are hidden from view of the beast, 
The book is not open to those who don't read, 
Noah was wise but the world didn't heed. 
The Flood and Perihelion never could be 
If bondaged nature could never get free. 
The light and the life that rules in the sky, 
Makes it needful to live and needful to die. 
Living to die and dying to live, 
"This will be wisdom Perihelion can give. 
Seven years seem 1 mg to be in a broil, 
Large bodies move slow, the planets are in toil, 
But the earth with the four that march into line, 
In Perihelion this year, will sp;irkle and shine 
^Vith splendor more brilliant than ever before; 
Perihelion will do it again, nevermore. 

The Star of IJethlehem, in Cassiopia's chair. 
Will illume the sky more br.lHant and fair 
Than ever on earth, brighter than when 
Its lisflit brought "Peace and 2;ood will to men." 
The Prophet hears in the voice of the stars 
That this portends the coming of wars. 
North Ameiica's hot blood will be spilt 
With " war to the knife and knife to the hilt," 
"A word and a blow, and the blow be first," 
The very best man be the very worst, 
Every man makinir: some other a ghost, 
Meum, no tuum, devil take the hindmost. 
Yet the Star of Bethlehem will light up the scene 
Showing all in hea\en who the fight is between. 
So the dog that is under, seeing smiles divine, 
Can nobly scratch, bite or growJ, or ignobly whine ; 
While cheers from the clouds are heard far and nigh 
When brother kills brother and hi.s soul mounts the sky 
Thus angels of light can" watch and behold 
By the light of this star man's sins manifold 
Till earth runs red with the blood of the slain. 
And Abel is slaughtered and so is Cain. 

A war of the races now will begin. 



PEKIHELIOX. i'=> 

Sambo, the AiVican, mounts Ah Siri; 

And cuts off his cue just under his chin ; 

Then Pat, the Irishman, poor Sambo will whack, 

And lay him out cold on the flat of his back ; 

When the Teuton rushes in with a whoop-a-la-cheer, 

And tries to drown all in oceans of beer, 

But the Yank, who likes it noi very much, 

Now^ wades in and out-dutches the Dutch 

With a veiy strong beer, "so petter as good," 

His own manufacture of common logwood, 

Cocalus Indicus, Virginia plug, 

Flavored and scented with the oil of bed-bug, 

Put up in flasks, with this flaming label, 

''Nectar of life, imported from Hell," 

A beer that makes drunk without making bile, 

Makes nobody fit and everybody smile, 

And live till they die — and that's a little while. 

The meaning and weight of this parajir^fph. 

Will better be seen if the reader don't laugh; 

For it's a serious thing for an American man, 

To try to drink often as a Teuton can ; 

A drink that is drunk bv a drinking Yank, 

He should drink and be <hiuik as soon as it's drank; 

So he takes ten per cent of proof alcohol, 

And doctors up a drink that makes drunk once for all; 

Beer, wine, brandy, whisky, gin, all made 

Out of one barrel and all of best grade. 

A W.Mr of races means, here in the west, 

A survival of the fittest — good, better, best, 

Not the poor against the rich, the rich Mgaiust the poor, 

The same old trouble that has been hrretofore, 

Kept up by Kings and Shy locks that loan 

Gold to keep up a rotten old throne. 

The time is near in America's land 

When the people will rule, the few understand, 

^^'hen greedy old Shylocks can count up their swag 

And never a Yank be holding the bag. 

Let us take this Perihelion right home to our place. 



IP. I'ElilflELlU^'. 

The Chamber of Commerce might look :ilter the case. 

And appoint a committee to look after freight. 

For Perihelion, yes, for Perihelion the Great 1 

If Grant was expected, or his relation. 

The Mayor would issue a column proclamation, 

Shutting saloons and shutting up stores, 

Getting the people all out doors, 

To welcome with banners Ulysses S. Grant, 

With a big hoodoo and lots of low cant, 

'•'Hail to the Chief! ' is sung by the crowd. 

And the General once more, haughty and proud. 

Is adored *by the outs, honored bj^ the ins; 

Ever3''body wants Avhat nobody v/ins ; 

So the nation's stalwart pauper dressed in fine clothes, 

Gets feasted, and toasted wherever he goes. 

Now if (ire should come from heaven right down 

While Grant is here "doing" the town 

And burn up a square and then burn another, 

Burn up your wife, your father and mother, 

Burn u}) your store, your house and your home, 

Could you be persuaded Perihelion had come ? 

You laugh. Sir, but caloric is hidden. 

Is latent or free just as it is bidden, 

It leaps into flame and burns up a square 

With never a twinge of conscience to bear. 

Or, suppose the thawing of mountains of snow. 
On the range or in the gulches below. 
Fallen this yenr deeper and more 
Than ever was seen by white man before. 
Sends to this city a terrible flood; 
The Platte a mile wide and tumbling with mud, 
Seaw\aid float cabins and tents of the poor, 
Built on the bottom along the low shore; 
Men, w^omen and children drowning and drowned, 
Lost in the sand, their bodies ne'er found. 
From the river to Welton street nothing but gloom. 
Death and destruction in every home. 
How manv would own Perihelion had come? 



PEKlilKLlO.N. 17 

The churches might meet when the flood went down 
To regulate prayers for the good of the town, 
And order for members a feast or a fast 
To commemorate now the sins of the past, 
But Perihelion would mock the hollow affair 
And strike us afresh by poisoning the air. 
This same subtle gas, that invalids court, 
Becoming the Angel of Death on a sport. 
Then all with weak lungs, or asthmatic breath, 
Go down to the grave with the Angel of Death. 
And the few that are left in this death-smitten city 
Are living, dispairing objects of pity. 
Some then might believe the Prophet is right, 
Perihelion the cause of this terrible blight. 

Take another example germane to the case, 
Black Ilawk, or Central, or Nevada the place : 
The people are locked in slumber at night, 
Dreaming of tons of mineral in sight, 
And visions of wealth in hearts thnt aie glad. 
Not dreaming the morrow would find them so sad ; 
The ^ulch begins trembling, the mountain to shake. 
Belching columns of sulphur, 'tis an earthquake. 
The Teller House tumbles, the Eegister Block, 
The Bakery and Temple of Fashion all flock 
Pelmcl, topsy-turvy, brick, morlar and rock. 
When the morning rom(\s and the smoke clears away, 
There's many a mouth with nothing to say. 
The gukhes of Black Hawk and Central are both 
level with Nevada and run to the south; 
AVhile Nevada is dumped on top of Quartz Hill, 
Wh< re in old times stood a little stamp mdl. 
AVater runs eastward from Black Ilawk no more, 
And the mills of that burgh will never get ore. 
For the lodes have all gone to the bottom agaiu : 
The terrible tiuth flashes over the brain. 
Perihelion has commenced in the mountains to reign. 
And suppose this fearful commotion 
Spreads over the land from ocean to ocean. 



20 Pi.:ki^^:LlO^". 

He was very weighty in what he said. 
He never had known in the battle of life 
A struggle that money could n't settle the strife, 
And as lor himself, he never was caught 
Without money to buy w'hat he wished bought. 
He would take some chancer, let it be told, 
He might buy Perihelion with an offer of gold : 
But after he bought, he 'd risk that the few 
AVho ruled on earth would mostly be Jew, 
And gold with them Avould interest bear 
In heaven and hell, on e;irth, everywhere 
When LABOR needs something to eat or to wear. 
Perihelion might come, he was ready to try it, 
If it could n't be stopped he was ready to buy it. 

A Republican politician came next, 
He looked like Belford very much vexed. 
Pluming to sail into a lively debate 
Whether his party should silver inflate. 
Or bold on to the bag and continue to wait. 
He had said in a speech, recently made. 
That the Republican party must not be afraid, 
But let the coin boom and all the world know, 
It comes from the mines of Colorado. 
To legislate wholly for iron, cotton, sugar, or gold. 
The ills to the party could never be told. 
The silvei" States, the leaders would find, 
AVould go with a party not quite so blind; 
This would leave Kepoblicans no more 
Pap to distribute to their suiFering poor. 
Well, Belford was shown the Prophet's little book, 
And asked at Perihelion to take a square look ; 
A.fter he had read it, over and over. 
The title page too, and then read the cover. 
He straightened up with a yawn and a moan, 
And said 't w-as the biggest thing ever he \\ known. 
He alwnys thought there shouhl be a plan 
For saving the soul and body of man ; 
And "The Voice of the Stars'' had showed him the way. 



PKRriii-;Li{).\. 21 

Aud Beli'ord, though late, is begiunmg to pray. 

The people of Colorado never do swear. 
Or take a hypocrite right by the hair ; 
They seem to be kind, well mannered and meek, 
And if anything are lacking in '" cheek." 
None of them ever would venture to say, 
That a syndicate owns Jim Belford to-day. 
Yet the Muse will venture here to note, 
That the Republican party where the voters vote. 
And work ver}'- hard for the little they get 
Is not the same party as down in Wall street. 
There is the place where opinions are made 
For politicians who follow the regular trade. 
And they care but little for voters at home. 
Till a short time before election times come. 
When these Wall street jobbers put up the cash 
Needed to make the old machine mash 
And keep the regular politicians in hash. 
So Belford and Teller and Hill, each 
Make for silver a masterly speech 
In conventions at home, whenever they meet, 
Winking the while at friendly Wall street. 
All the while the bankers are running their mill 
At Washington the coinage of silver to kill. 
Let us hope that Perihelion will n't fail to come 
And strike the politicians blind and dumb. 
'T is not for gold Perihelion hankers. 
Nor so much for bond-holders and bankers, 
Craves not a cent of their ill-gotten cash, 
But needs alot of politicians for hash. 

The Democratic politician does not abound. 
Specimens are rare and very seldom found. 
Though .g't'is^ said "some fossil remains 
Have been found upon the great plains, 
AVhich Patterson, Welborn, Miller and Hughes, 
Thought was the Democratic leaders' old shoes. 
Captain Harris, the Greenbacker, was asked to tell 
Where could be found a Democratic swell ! 



22 PJ^RIillvLlON. 

He gave ;i laiigli thai was meant, to be small. 

And said all but one bad died last fall, 

The Honorable Jejune Jaybird Tamarac Ball. 

Mr. Ball was interviewed, who said the rest 

Of the leaders were a great deal the best ; 

He didn't know why he had been spared, 

Thoush o-uessed for one democrat nobodv cared : 

But he thought a fellow w^ho had tried rebellion. 

Could chance with Republicans the coming Perihelion. 

He always was moral and drank not a bit. 

With a good constitution and plenty of grit ; 

Among all the leaders the party is out, 

He hoped he might live to go last up the spout. 



I'KiilliKF.ION. 



Oh Perihelion, Perihelion the Great 1 
Let the show begin and don't hesitate ! 
.Go ahead noAv and set up the fun. 
Don't stop the music for the dance has begun ; 
The old earth is waiting laden with years, 
The curtain has risen and the audience cheers,. 
There's no use postponing from day to day, 
Go on with the show, let the band play ; 
There's a good run for it if the show draws, 
And if it don't, let the management pause. 
In Aphelion, when the show is over, 
On a homestead seeded well with clover, 
Let the Muse be domiciled in the by-and-by, 
With ]io vexing weather, either wet or dry, 
Where the soil is seeded by the hand of God, 
And no toil is needed turning up the sod, 
' Where the grain when ripened ready for the reaper. 
Is also garnered by the homestead keeper, 
AVhere an easy living, culled from nature's food. 
Leaves the Muse in freedom to find a happy mood. 
Till the rippling numbers soften every sense 
With a heavenly halo in the present tense. 
Where lawyers and doctors and second hand preachers 
Will be useful as cobblers, bakers and teachers; 
Politicians, gamblers, bunko-steerers and sinners 
Will brew root beer and serve at dinners. 
When the earth and planets in harmony run, 
Thy work is finished and a new era begun ; 
The race that shall live after that time 
Will be grand, glorious, a])Ocalyptic, sublime; 
A¥ith chances in life growing better a.non, 
A pleTi.ty to oat ami nobody to dun : 



24 PEKIllKIJOX. 

ISo longer troubled with common affairs, 

AVhat to be eaten or sa3'ing of prayers. 

How to be clothed, or how to get coal, 

A fellow can rest without losing his soul. 

Hence mind, and not body, will be his attention. 

And giants will be of mental dimension. 

Not pigmies, as now, while bread we must win, 

With L. L. D. or A, M. on college sheepskin. 

The steps taken then will be made to the tune 

Sung by the planets not any too soon; 

Men will awake, those that survive, 

To the full fruition of being alive. 

Will ever be happy, love right and hate wrong. 

Eat manna, sip nectar, sleep well and live long. 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



015 762 481 im 



